Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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