I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Help me help you realize you are a moron
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
