I think my fart just growled at me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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