i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
