oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
