What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
