Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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