just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just had sex on a roof
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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