After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
