Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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