Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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