I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
