I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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