I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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