think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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