I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
