My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
