Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
