I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What a dumb baby whore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
