WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
