Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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