you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize