Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize