do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
