i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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