Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
