Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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