Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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