a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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