her vagine was all disorganized.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
