Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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