AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
