Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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