Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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