Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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