some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
