yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
