Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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