I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
