So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
