If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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