there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
