at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
