So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
