I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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