you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize