so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am one with the molecules
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
