can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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