Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
