everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
