Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
