Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
