it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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