I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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