It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
