so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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