No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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