my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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