so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
